Grief Apart From Death
Written by: Liz Cerven
Dear Reader,
I want to share some thoughts with you about grief, something we all encounter at different points in our lives. When we think of grief, we often associate it with the loss of a loved one—death being the primary lens through which we’ve been taught to understand deep sorrow. My work as a therapist has shown me that grief’s presence in our lives extends far beyond that. Grief shows up in unexpected ways, attached to losses that may not involve death but are no less profound.
We are all vulnerable to loss. It touches our lives in ways both direct and subtle. Losing a job, a relationship, a support system, or even aspects of our physical abilities—mobility, hearing, or vision—can evoke grief. Sometimes these losses happen abruptly, shattering the ground beneath us in an instant. Other times, they unfold slowly, like a steady erosion we barely notice until the void becomes undeniable. When grief exists outside of death, it often goes unacknowledged. We might dismiss our sorrow as invalid or unworthy of attention because it doesn’t fit the conventional idea of mourning. Yet, these experiences of grief are deeply real, and they deserve space to be felt and processed.
Relationships are one of the most common places where grief appears. None of our connections are permanent—not even those we hold closest to our hearts. Grieving a breakup, a shift in relationship dynamics, or even the loss of a person who is still physically present is valid and necessary. I remember someone I worked with who grieved their partner not because of death, but because their partner changed in a way that deeply impacted their relationship. The discovery of their partner’s drug use and job loss turned their once-trusting relationship into one clouded by sorrow and hopelessness. They grieved the person their partner had been and the future they had envisioned together. Accepting the reality of their present—not as a way to stay in the unhealthy relationship but as a way to make peace with what was lost—allowed them to begin to heal and move forward.
For those in the LGBTQIA+ community, grief is no stranger. The losses here are often layered and complex: the loss of familial support, the ease of heteronormativity, a sense of safety, or the futures they once dreamed of. Grief becomes an intimate companion for many who face these realities. Yet, within this grief, there is also room for transformation. Acknowledging the pain of these losses can make space for celebrating authenticity, building new connections, and reclaiming joy.
Grief, no matter its source, serves an essential purpose: it acknowledges what is no longer there so we can begin to make sense of what remains. Loss has the power to shake our worlds so profoundly that we lose sight of how to move forward. It can feel like a boulder—immense, immovable, and blocking the path ahead. But with time and care, we can learn to grow around it. Acceptance doesn’t mean erasing the pain of the loss but rather learning to live alongside it. Imagine tending a garden that blooms around the boulder of grief—using it as a place to pause, reflect, and find beauty in the life that continues to grow.
Dear reader, if you find yourself sitting with grief, know that your sorrow is valid. Allow yourself to feel it, name it, and honor it. In time, the boulder of grief will not disappear, but you will learn to navigate its presence. And when you pause to rest upon it, may you see the beauty that grows all around you and the resilience within yourself.
With compassion and care